Comments on: Escaping the Individual

By: Harper Eliot

Harper Eliot — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 18:59:04 +0000

I know a lot of people for whom oral sex really works! but, sure, it’s far from perfect. Definitely has its difficulties.

By: Wynter

Wynter — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:59:18 +0000

I very much enjoyed reading this post. It highlights an interesting point and leaves one with plenty of things to ponder. I would however like to say that more often than not I’m hearing from women around me, both older and younger, that oral sex is not something enjoyable. I read about women complaining that they aren’t getting enough of it but in women I know and am personally acquainted with I would say a good 60% don’t find it to be pleasurable. In my younger acquaintances I have a feeling it is due to a lack of experience and knowledge of what they like as well as some anxiety issues. But with the older ones I haven’t been able to define a clear reason and the one you and your friend came up with seem more than perfect, at least it was for me. I also think a lot of it has to do with pressure. I feel I am the central focal point during oral sex and I’m expected to react a certain way which causes me anxiety.
I know that wasn’t the point of this post but it got me thinking about reasons I find it so distasteful.

By: Harper Eliot

Harper Eliot — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:05:43 +0000

Ooh! My favourite comments always end with thought – thank you for that!

I think there’s a good point to be made about giving oral for the giver’s pleasure; for example, I am happy to let a man go down on me provided he understands that it is for HIS pleasure, not necessarily mine. And if I ever met a man who didn’t like to receive – but I haven’t yet, haha – I hope he’d return that favour and let me enjoy myself as the giver. But I think you’re right that men have a different experience with receiving.

Also, as I just mentioned to Mina as well, my sexuality actually exists almost exclusively in my head. However, it seems obvious that having a psychological sex life is very different from being conscious of your mental process… which is not arousing at all for me.

I’m SO thrilled the orchestra comment makes sense to you; I did wonder if perhaps it was a slightly detached analogy, but if it’s working, that’s brilliant. And I think you really do understand where I’m coming from.

Thank you so much for commenting! You’ve got me thinking too.

By: Harper Eliot

Harper Eliot — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:00:14 +0000

You’re quite right about the number of women who enjoy oral sex: I was actually thinking about the women within our sex-positive, blogging circles: it seems that most really own their orgasms, and enjoy the pleasure they get from receiving oral sex.

Actually, when you put it that way, sex for me is psychological, but not mentally awake/conscious. I submerge myself very deeply in the psychological play between my partner and I.

I think you make some good points about the focus on orgasm, and it actually completely backs up my points whilst also giving a different view on sex. However – I think it would be remiss of us not to point out that orgasms are not the be all and end all of pleasure. I rarely come during sex, but I still love sex for a multitude of other reasons…

By: Corin

Corin — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 19:09:29 +0000

Nicely written Harper. On the whole I agree with your sentiments about the desire to loose oneself. I think that is a natural part of humanity. As conscious beings we are aware of all our faults, our flaws and where and who we long to be. For many of us, knowing ourselves too well is actually far too scary and so we seek to be removed from that. The primal act of sex can be an easy way to avoid yourself, in many ways. Your comment about receiving oral sex getting you too far into your head, is interesting and I can see that and understand that completely. I think the experience of receiving for a guy is quite different to women, as indeed our sexuality tends to be. As someone who enjoys giving oral sex, I do enjoy the ultimate intimacy of being there and listening and feeling how she reacts. Lastly your orchestra comment resounds. A great orchestra behaves as you describe. Great sex, often does come from two people working in unison. Not necessarily to join, but at least to give and receive pleasure and arrive at an end together. Thanks for getting me thinking.

By: Mina Lamieux

Mina Lamieux — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:18:55 +0000

Oral sex is an interesting topic. You say you come across more women who like it, I say I come across more women who dislike it. Usually because they have never had an orgasm from it, or from their own personal reasons of hygiene (being nervous of how they smell, look, etc down there) or simply because they can’t stop thinking about the fact that it takes a long time to orgasm that way. I had many exs that made me not want to receive oral because they would complain about how long I would take to orgasm, which usually resulted in my never having an orgasm… until I met my now husband and that changed everything about my relationship with oral and my cunt.

It’s interesting that you bring up being too mentally conscious. Fact is, everything is very much mental for me.. whether it be oral sex or penetrative. If I am going to have an orgasm, it can’t happen without my head being in the game, so to speak. So in theory, I can never lose myself in sex, not completely, not if I also want to enjoy it’s pleasurable outcome of an orgasm. Sure, I can lose myself in a moment and an experience and transform myself into a different woman, but when that woman wants an orgasm, all thoughts are on my clit and the pleasure that is building within it.