As many of you may know, I am trying to raise money in order to get myself across the pond to Atlanta for Eroticon USA in October. I have already received some amazing donations from readers and friends, for which I am incredibly grateful! Thank you!

I am doing my best to save money myself, but between studying and part-time work, it simply won’t be possible for me to raise the full amount without a little help. In Atlanta I will be able to support my good friend Ruby as she takes her amazing conference to America, as well as meet – for the first time! – some writers I have been talking to for years. In addition to this, I have never been to the US, and feel that Eroticon is the best excuse I could possibly have for my first trip there!

I feel incredibly touched by the donations I have already received, and in light of my gratitude, I would like to offer a little something to anyone who is able to offer me financial support. Whether your donation is large or small, I would like to say thank you, and am offering short pieces of personalised erotica as a token of my gratitude.

I’ve noticed that most people prefer to donate anonymously, so that names don’t appear on my GoFundMe page, so, here’s how it will work: if you are able to donate and would like to support my trip, please do so; and if you have already, it’s not too late to take me up on this offer! Once your donation has gone through (which should be immediate), email me on harper (at) itgirlragdoll dot com, with a little proposal of what you would like in terms of erotica. You can be as specific or as general as you like; if you’re a long time reader and would like a copy of a story that was formerly published on my site, that may be possible; or I may be able to send you a paperback copy of Strummed; or if you would just like something new, but don’t have any specifications about it, I can create something for you; or if you have a very good idea of what you would like me to write, I can do that too!

As I’ve said above, the idea of this is simply for me to show my gratitude towards anyone who donates, therefore I won’t be counting words per penny, or anything like that. However, if you do make a large donation (£50 or upwards), I would be more than happy to offer you something longer and/or more detailed. I am also more than happy to cater to unusual or interesting kinks or fetishes.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will mention that I am currently in the midst of a heavy load of coursework and exam revision, therefore, until the end of May, any pieces requested may take me a little time. However, once we hit June, I should be able to offer a pretty hasty service, and anything I have not managed to do by then, will be my top priority.

It really would mean the world to me if I was able to make it to Atlanta in October, so if you can, please do donate. And I promise to bring back as much Eroticon USA information, experiences, soundbites and reflections as I can possibly manage!

Much love and thank you all,
Harper xx

The post A Token of Gratitude: Send Me to Eroticon USA! appeared first on (It Girl. Rag Doll).

Almost every day I come across a writer who is struggling with writer’s block or irritated because they cannot find a new idea for a story; and almost every day I see someone tell them to “just write”. Despite the fact that we all seem openly accepting of the idea that everyone works in their own way, it appears that the majority of writers agree on this: whether you hate your writing or you can’t find a topic or you simply don’t want to put [fingers] to [keyboard], the answer is to just write something – anything! – and the words will eventually come back to you.

Well, I would like to free the writers who want to be freed from the bonds of this contract. Personally, if I cannot write, and I force myself to write something sub-standard, I come away feeling much worse than I did in the first place. Not only have I spent a good hour or so on a piece of writing I knew I was going to loathe from the outset, but I realise I have plenty of other things I could have achieved in that time.

In fact, sometimes writer’s block is a blessing in disguise. When I am in full flow, eager to write and full of ideas that simply seem to spill onto the page, other parts of my life invariably get neglected. The dishes stack up, or the carpet doesn’t get hoovered, or I don’t complete my course reading. Of course, ideally you find the balance, a place where you can hold onto and evolve ideas without letting your home go to wrack and ruin, but it is harder to do the daily chores when you are buzzing with ideas that want to escape through your fingertips. On the other hand, I’ve come across writers – myself included – who find the rhythm and mundanity of things like doing the washing up, or sweeping the floor, or gardening to be incredibly stimulating for their thoughts. Maybe it takes a few weeks of knitting to fully formulate an article, but eventually it is there, and so much better than it would have been had you strained to force it out. (I will add, however, that taking time off from writing for me does not mean sitting idly by and watching the seasons change. Nothing stimulates nothing. If I want to be at all productive in any areas of my life, I have to keep my mind and body stimulated. Perhaps all it takes is a good book followed by a long walk, but I have to do something. Taking a break from writing does not mean I am on holiday. Ever.)

Don’t get me wrong – if the advice to “just write” works for you, then go for it. If you’re the kind of person who feels that when you stop writing you will never start again, then perhaps getting on with it is the way forward for you – but it does not work for everyone; and it irritates me when I see people preaching, as though this is the one and only way to achieve something, that we all just need to put our heads down and get on with it. For some writers, this simply does not work. Furthermore, if you take a break from writing and it goes on and on, it does not mean you aren’t a writer. It probably means you need to focus on something else for a while. And if you never find your way back to your words, perhaps that is sad; but the chances are that you’ve drifted away because you’ve found a new passion – no less worthy, but simply more present at this time in your life.

As with almost everything in life, we each have our own ways, and the important thing is to find the one that works for you. Whilst the “just write” principle may be a noble one, it is remiss of us to assume it works for everyone. By all means try it; but if it doesn’t work, then it’s simply not for you. And if you’re very lucky, the time given by taking a break from writing is time you can put to equally good use.

The post The ‘Just Write’ Principle appeared first on (It Girl. Rag Doll).

First of all, I had never consciously drawn such a clear line between sex bloggers, and erotic writers. It seems obvious, of course, but between twitter and writing prompts we all seem to get mixed in with each other quite a lot. And further than that, there are in fact three realms: sex blogging, erotic writing, and sex journalism.

I’m defining them as follows:
• Sex blogging: autobiographical writing about the author’s sex life.
• Erotic writing: fiction, stories, poems, etc..
• Sex journalism: articles about sex in a social and/or political light.

Whilst many blogs skip between the three, or (more commonly) between two of the three, most seem to have a primary purpose: Frisky in the 916 is primarily a sex blog, but it also contains much of the other two; Remittance Girl is driven by erotic fiction, but she also writes about sex in terms of social trends and politics.; and Rachel Rabbit White is a sex journalist, but like many in that field she slips into autobiography from time to time.

This blog started as erotic fiction, then enjoyed a brief and horrible stint as an autobiographical sex blog, before returning to erotic fiction and finally bringing in some journalism as well. However, being an exhibitionist there has always been a certain allure, for me, in moments of autobiography – particularly in the blurbs I posted with my photography. As much as I enjoy having little pieces of myself here, I always felt that was where my blog was weakest. And if I ever wrote well about myself*, that writing and my photographs changed the intention of my blog overall. In short, my own sex blogging is something I find deeply dissatisfying, and that is a large part of the reason you can no longer see me naked here.

Conversely, whilst Eroticon raised my awareness of the divide between different kinds of sex writers, it also made me realise just how much we need one another’s support. In the end, we are all writing about sex, and that is what most of the world finds controversial. We really can’t afford to divide into camps; we all need to fight for our right to discuss sex without abuse or discrimination. Fortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any question about that: at Eroticon Ruby Kiddell gave us all something, and brought us together perfectly.

However, the realisations didn’t end with similarities and differences. The aforementioned panel combined with the Sex and the media debate also brought the point of anonymity and identity to the surface of my consciousness. I have always been on the verge of coming out, whilst also keeping my blog URL away from my every day life. It’s always been a case of “they probably won’t find me, but if they do, it’ll be fairly obvious”. Until Eroticon I was pretty satisfied with this state of affairs. But I would like my status to rise as a writer. I would like to be published. And as soon as I do that, I up the stakes, which is the second reason for my sudden disappearance.

But this issue does not end with me hiding my face and deciding not to write about my life. For me, and (as Eroticon proved) for many others, there is a question of ethics.

I think I speak for all sex writers when I say I wish I lived in a world where I could safely and happily be out about the nature and content of my work here. Unfortunately we all have good reasons to hide behind our pseudonyms and false identities. There is so much more to our lives than just what we write, and more often than not the pressure of protecting those other parts of ourselves is considerable. But, of course, by hiding our true identities we are, whether we wish to or not, perpetuating the need to do just that.

It takes a brave human being to come out as a sex writer, no matter which of my three categories they dwell in, and I feel fairly certain that in order to fight the stigma, we are going to have to start coming out sooner or later. But at present, for most of us, the cost is simply too high.

As for myself, personally? At the moment, if I came out, it would cause ripples in more lives than just mine, and until my situation is lower risk, I really feel that I need to keep my identity hidden. However, I can’t imagine maintaining this for the rest of my life. My writing is too big a part of me for it to be forever partitioned off under a pseudonym.

Meanwhile, I imagine, the inner turmoil shall continue.

(*Yes, I am aware of how ironic it is to write about myself not writing about myself.)

The post The Pseudonym Problem appeared first on (It Girl. Rag Doll).