Having read Fifty Shades of Grey, Remittance Girl concluded that the D/s aspect of writing, perhaps comes through not so much in the acts portrayed, as in the language used to describe them. I came to a similar conclusion when I reviewed the book. Based on this theory, RG set a challenge: write the same piece of erotic fiction twice, the first time as a vanilla scene, and the second time as a D/s scene. Challenge accepted.
Vanilla
They stumbled out of the bar, beer bubbles still tickling their nostrils, giggling into each other’s slung arms as they made their way down the glistening street. The air was brisk, nipping at her exposed shoulders, but she didn’t notice, through her alcohol-warm haze. One hand on her hip, he led her back to his flat and helped her over the threshold, still giggling.
Ten minutes later they were towel dried and a little subdued on the sofa. She let him kiss her brow and her jawline, and he reached into her top to run the tips of his fingers over her hardening nipple.
“I’d like to fuck you” He murmured, kissing her neck, trailing his tongue behind her ear.
She smiled, biting her lip, and nodded carefully.
Pressing together, she grew wet against him and he pulled her up, peeling the clothes off her body and holding her in his firm hands. As his lips traced patterns along her neck and across her shoulders, she was bent over the back of the sofa, hands exploring the convex of her arse. Breathless with need, he parted her thighs and pressed the heated head of his cock against her soaked sex.
• • • • •
Kinked
They stumbled out of the bar, beer bubbles still tickling their nostrils, giggling into each other’s slung arms as they made their way down the glistening street. The air was brisk, nipping at her exposed shoulders, but she didn’t notice, through her alcohol-warm haze. One hand on her hip, he steered her back to his flat and guided her over the threshold, still giggling.
Ten minutes later they were towel dried and a little subdued on the sofa. He kissed her brow and her jawline, and reached into her top to tease her hardening nipple between the tips of his deft fingers.
“I’m going to fuck you,” He said, biting her neck, trailing his pointed tongue behind her ear.
She shivered, catching her lip between her teeth, and nodded understanding.
Pulling her against him, he felt her grow wet and sat her up on her knees, ripping the clothes from her body and holding her in his firm hands. As his nails traced patterns along her neck and across her shoulders, he bent her over the back of the sofa, fingers pressing into the soft flesh of her arse. Growling with need, he parted her thighs and forced the heated head of his cock against her dripping cunt.
You win miss, hands down xx
It’s not a competition. But thank you.
Very nicely done. I much prefer the latter. ;)
When I first read RG’s challenge, I considered it, but I’ve never really tried to write fiction. I am still giving it quite a bit of thought. :)
This was surprisingly tricky and I’m not sure I quite got it right anyway. Love the idea and the challenge though.
So short and concise and yes, the language is perfect.
Thank you! It’s amazing how little you have to tweak in order to change the power dynamic.
I would suggest your talent allows you to create arousal no matter the type of language you choose to use. Of course, the second is the version I truly enjoy. But you are quite right, the entire tone of the scene changes with just a few carefully chosen words.
Haha, you are such a fanboy I can hardly trust your judgement any longer! I just do what I can; and sometimes it doesn’t work out so well… hehe, thank you hun. Much appreciated.