Peeled myself off the floor. That can only be a good thing. The top of my dress is soaked, but there are spoons in the fridge. 2 hours ago
My eyes hurt. I need some cold spoons. 2 hours ago
Nowt? Good. At bedtime I'm out. 2 hours ago
Got any twitter business for me? Do it now. 3 hours ago
After tonight I'm signing out for a few days. 3 hours ago
I Heart Alle
The Tweet That Wouldn't Fit
This week I participated in #SinfulSunday, and I received some incredibly positive feedback from people all over the place; in fact, Molly highlighted me as one of her top five of the week.
For all of this, I am incredibly grateful.
And yet… I’m dissatisfied.
Two years ago, receiving such wonderful comments on such candid photos would have made my day. But now? Well… I’m really struggling to say this without seeming deeply ungrateful and extremely narcissistic.
#SinfulSunday and HNT before it, and all the other nude-friendly weekly photography memes are great, and I think the thing they do best, first and foremost, is help people with their body image; the comments and the community build confidence and show that we’re all made differently and we can all be beautiful. I cannot stress how important and wonderful that is.
But look - I have many many flaws and downfalls; my self-esteem is not one of them. I feel incredibly lucky to be this self-assured. And given that I am lucky enough to feel confident in my body, I would like to use it do something more than show beauty in different bodies.
This is so difficult to articulate!
My point is, I did not post those photos to show how any body, no matter how fat or wrinkled or hairy or whatever! can be beautiful. I posted those photos because they were honest. And the incredibly body-positive feedback is lovely, but it misses the point.
The point is the honesty. You can show me something horribly ugly, but if it’s honest, then that is what is important.
I just want to be honest! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The truth about my body is that I have cellulite on my thighs and ass, my tits hang low because they’re big, and my chin doubles, and my knuckles are dimples, and I have really round cheeks… and none of that is objectively beautiful or ugly. It’s just true.
And that’s all I wanted to say. My body doesn’t make me happy or unhappy; but it’s my body and I will be honest about it.
Not that I’m blaming the commenters. I just need to find a better way to show what I mean.
I don’t want it to matter. I just want to move past the self-esteem boosting so I can do something else.